Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge marks a vengeful return

by Dwayne Torres May 25, 2017, 1:31
Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge marks a vengeful return

Ah, it doesn't really matter. A bigger flaw in POTC 5 is that the new sidekicks Jack (Johnny Depp) gets saddled with are incredibly boring both separately and together. The cause of this change: a categorical refusal of history by Johnny Depp. Musically, I took the helm right as the world of "Pirates" expanded with a darker and more emotional tale than ever before, and there was no shortage of inspiration each day. It recaptures much of what we all loved about this franchise way back in 2003: the swashbuckling action, humor, romance, and that awesome orchestral theme.

Are you excited to see Captain Barbossa return? Those plans were shelved and it was rumoured this would be the final Pirates movie. It's 2017 - aren't we passed the point where every blockbuster movie needs to include a few denigrating jokes at women's expense, just to make the men in the audience laugh?

Keith's band The Rolling Stones were touring North America with the Zip Code Tour in 2015 while "Pirates 5" was in production in Australia, but luckily Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow) had more rock icons in his phone book to call upon.

The déjà vu doesn't stop there: we get a horse-drawn bank being pulled through the streets (they're robbing a bank, get it?) in lieu of a waterwheel, a (perfectly fine) cameo from Paul McCartney instead of Keith Richards, and Patterson's Golshifteh Farahani playing the same ill-defined witchy role that Naomie Harris once did.

Dead Men Tell No Tales, but critics sure as shit do! Directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg from a script by Jeff Nathanson, with Jerry Bruckheimer serving again as producer, the movie hits theaters on Friday.

So here's your plot, such as it is.

Besides Scodelario, the other primary new face is Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, son of the first trilogy's Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley).

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Henry is on a quest to break the curse that has doomed his father to a ghost ship at the bottom of the sea.

Anyway, mostly these folks are chasing down Neptune's Trident as that will allow Will (Bloom) to escape the cursed Flying Dutchman.

You know, that old story. The spectacular underwater finale is one of several slick action sequences, but there's also a schmaltzy subplot involving Sparrow's frenemy Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and lots of surprisingly adult humour. As it is, POTC5 lives up to the cheerfully nonsensical but fun spirit of the franchise, but you can't help feeling that it really is time to let the Sparrow rest and enjoy his rum in peace.

All the talk of curses and revenge and magical maps is the movie equivalent of roadies stacking the amps for the pyrotechnics to follow.

"Brian Truitt, USA Today: "...has its rocky moments but also offers an engaging tale with family legacies, above-average swashbuckling and a fantastic new villain courtesy of Javier Bardem". Bardem's Salazar is a genuinely frightening creation.

There's an engaging flashback with a young Jack Sparrow, which explains both Salazar's hate for him and Jack's origin.

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